Gearsing Up

Believe it or not, I haven't participated in any Memorial Day Atlanta Carnival festivities in years, three years at this point. Nothing......not a parade, not a flag party, no cooler fete, nothing. A certain pesky ex made it a life mission to keep me separated from own culture, preferring instead to maroon me on a farm picking strawberries. The blame rests squarely on my shoulders though, shame on me for allowing it.

Needless to say I'm a little out of practice and having not done a T&T Carnival in 9 years, I have plenty catching up to do. Seriously, four days with little to no sleep takes practice, just take a look at the schedule:

Wednesday May 23rd: Hangover - Allyuh people must be mad, I have to work Thursday, if I end up in hangover I am  sure to get fired the next day. Free drinks all night = TIGHT at work. Sorry, but I'm skipping Hangover this year.

Thursday May 24th: Flag Party - Yes, Flag Party, my traditional ATL Carnival. I'm off work Friday and if flag party is anything like previous years, this will be a bess lime. I fully expect to get caught in Friday morning rush hour traffic after the fete. Free with your flag before 12 am so you know what that means, reach there by ten because the line will be ridiculous.......you've been warned.

Friday May 25th: Decisions decisions: Friday night will be a pressure night for many, not for me though, I've already made up my mind. Loyalties will be stretched, allegiances tested because at this point, a decision has to be made. Are you going to the Machel fete or are you going to Kerwin/Benjai/Lyrical/Destra et al. Of course if you really want to mix things up we can throw in the usual Jouvert party at the Atruim. Honestly I'm squarely in the Kerwin camp at this point as 4 artistes for $25 makes more sense than one artiste for $35.

After the Kerwin, I suspect we'll find somewhere to be, Atrium possibly, maybe Party Room or 426 till sun up.


Saturday May 26th: Parade/Square/Carnival Explosion: First off, I'm not getting up to see no damn parade Saturday morning so you can forget that. Look out for me in the afternoon jumping some fence to get in the Carnival Square down on Auburn Avenue.....I haven't heard too much hype over the Carnival Explosion fete Saturday night so I may or may not go but it might be worth a look (Kerwin/Iwer/Alison Hinds/Lyrical).

Sunday May 27th: BREAKFAST FETE: 5am to 1pm Sunday, we go be jamming hard, with free bake an buljol to boot. I promised to take the kiddies to a waterpark Sunday afternoon; I only hope that I don't drown in the people pool with all the alcohol I would probably have consumed by then. I believe the Wear White party is Sunday night so budget allowing, I'll probably be there too.

Monday May 28th: SLEEP: Trust me, I will not see the light of day on Memorial Day if I'm to function at all the following day.

So, liming schedule tentatively in place, let's hope we all have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day/ATL Carnival Weekend.

Hog Maws

At this point it's safe to say, I love country people, particularly country people here in Georgia. Over the past few months I've developed a particular fondness for Lagrange which I think I've written about at length. Aside from the outgoing, exceedingly friendly nature of folks in the bush, it's really the food that keeps me going back.

I'm sorry but as trini as I am, my burning desire for a good goat roti is often overshadowed by a powerful need for collard greens with pork knuckles and fatback. I've been known to quickly slip through a plate of neck bones, and any thought of oildown quickly evaporates with spoonfuls of my former mother-in-law's fried corn. Don't even get me started on the giblet gravy over dressing, the cornbread or the salmon croquettes with grits that I miss.

Yup, you'd swear I was born here.

But southern cooking has it's fair share of WTF dishes.........like chitterlings for instance. What the fuck were they thinking? Boiled pig intestines with pepper sauce. Really? I tried a bite just one time and just couldn't get the damn thing past my lips. You see it's the smell that gets you; I'm almost sure they don't taste half bad but sorry, if it smells of ram goat and wrenk poonk, I not eating it.

Take it from my experience though, sometimes it's better to eat first then ask questions. This past weekend, my plate had a few additions that gave me pause. Next to the pot with the pig ears and cabbage was another pot with a creamy white, "meat-like" substance, chopped up then boiled with onions and celery. Hog Maws I'm told, the taste and consistency reminiscent of the meat you get on pig foot souse. It was only afterwards I discovered I had been eating pigs stomach, or more specifically, the lining of the pigs stomach.

Brilliant.......who's bright idea was this?

Why are these things delicacies? Well I imagine that African slaves weren't afforded the better cuts of meat which went to their masters so they ate whatever "meat" they were allowed....ears, snout, ribs, tails, hooves and entrails. As it turns out, pig stomach isn't bad at all though I doubt I'd see any of you lining up to try a hog maw pelau anytime soon.

Tink it Easy?!

My phone rings around 8:00 Wednesday night, one of my home girls calling.........

"whatchu doing tonight?"

A question like that in the middle of the week could mean one of two things, booty call or lime. For one, 8 is too early for booty generally speaking and two, this wasn't that type of home girl. So anyway, she whispers those few magic words that get my blood pumping:

"We have some chicken to cut up, Anto say she bubblin pot..........it have alcohol."

For a millisecond, I did consider that I still had work in the morning......whatever. Got to the place and right when I'm thinking it's a little intimate family lime I'm going to, I see cars parked down the block. I get inside and is hard soca jamming, house packed, people wining down de place, three big iron pot on the stove and everybody TIGHT (mind you is only 10 o'clock). 

You have to bear in mind that this went from idea to lime in about two hours. Where all dese people come out from?.............on a Wednesday night mind you. Vodka shots were in constant rotation so over the next four hours, TIGHT became RHELL TIGHT, as in "wrm ahm, vuzum fih wuk" or something thereabouts but you get the picture.

Let's just say I wasn't planning on driving anywhere at that point, had to cap out on the couch. I still managed to roll off said couch four hours later, finally made it home around 7 a.m. and was back out the door at 8:15 fresh and ready for work. 

Trini people oui......allyuh not easy nah. 

 

Playing with Fire

We've already established that I have a propensity for doing stupid things (choices in women notwithstanding), but some things really take the cake. Sometimes even when I know better I end up taking risks anyway; I mean  honestly, what's the worst that could happen right?

So here's the set up. My apartment complex has no in house security. But why meddle with fly by night security agencies anyway when you could just hire the real thing. So they did just that and now we have GWINNETT FRICKING COUNTY PD patrolling day and night. 

This isn't new, the arrangement began back in February so it really isn't a surprise to see the bad boys in there on a daily basis. Truth be told, you only really see them parked up near the gates or near the leasing office. But bear it in mind that I'm aware of their constant presence as I tell the rest of the story. 

Now I exercise often, three to four times a week maybe but being the 220 pound hunk of manliness that I am, I sweat profusely.....but I don't take the time to shower before leaving the gym. I spread a towel on the driver seat to make my way home.Heck no, I will not be sitting my sweaty behind on cloth seats. You know what else I don't want to get dirty? My seatbelt..........I don't know bout you, but sweat on a seatbelt is disgusting and over time, my nice brown seatbelt will become a not so nice black seatbelt. What's the best way to avoid a sweaty, dirty seatbelt you ask? You don't wear it.......duh. 

So as I'm driving into the complex yesterday, not only is my seatbelt off, but I have the cell in hand texting with the right hand, a cup of ice tea in the left and I'm steering with me knees, a trick I picked up from my father's first born son. Who say I didn't roll right past Gwinnett County parked up right in front my building. O.O

Odd.......they're not usually back here. Shit.

Babylon watch me, I watch back, homeboy shook his head and went on about his business. I guess management doh pay him enough eh? For those of you who don't know, driving without a seatbelt, texting while driving and arguably driving with no hands on the wheel are all against the law in the State of Georgia. Babylon coulda throw the ticket book at me if he really wanted to but I suppose you'd have to be a special breed of asshole police to hand me three tickets right as I've made it home. 

An Award

Got an award today!  thanks  Stax @ Multiple Sclerosis & Me!!!

Liebster is a German word that translates to; dearest, beloved or in this case favorite. The idea of the Liebster Award is to give it to an up and coming blog with fewer than 200 followers. – in order to create new connections, and bring attention to their wonderful blogs. 

Thanks again Stacey!

Here are the conditions that go along with accepting the award;

1. Thank the Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.

2. Link back to the blogger who presented you the award.

3.  Copy and paste the Liebster Blog Award on your blog.

4. Present the award to 5 bloggers who have a following 200 or less, who you feel deserve it.

5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment on their blog.

M.Charles - Love Lessons of the Half Hearted

Aletha - The Thick Vegetarian

Tracey Chan Insipiritus

Ian Fitzwilliam Ceasars Soccer Shorts

Keith Francis Keithos

One More Thing

There is one additional circumstance I neglected to talk about yesterday. I had to think about whether I wanted to tell the story or not for fear of the drive by bitch slaps I'll probably get from my unusually passionate friends and family. Some people are serious about their Dwaynie.

But no sense in keeping it locked away, so here we go.

Bright and early Sunday morning after a hectic night (see previous post) a bredren and I decided to make a last minute Kool Runnings run. Again, there are no doubles men here so a 24 hour jamaican spot is the next best thing........especially when there's more alcohol in you than blood. Now as we're on the topic of blood, it is important to note that God blessed men with two "heads", but gave us only enough blood to run them one at a time. Be mindful of this fact while you read this story.

Standing in line eyeballing the ox tail, a young lady walks up to us. I say "lady" loosely as she was closer to "gyul." She struck me as untidy looking, disheveled, she'd sweated her hair out, her eyes were blood shot and she was clearly tight. She smelled good though, in a sort of Chanel meets hemp sorta way. All in all, not girlfriend material obviously but good for peg (we're all adults here).

The other head............
"Smallie whey yuh from?" Turns out she's one of those U.S. born children of trini parents. Whatever, inconsequential. Before I knew it, I'd offered to pay for her food and in no time she's sitting with the boys eating. One time you could tell something was wrong with this chick. No woman, drunk or sober eats in polite company with her nose literally down in the food. By the time she was done, there was a ring of bones, rice and cabbage around the plate.

"Which one of you fine gentlemen is going to walk me to my car?" Okay, I wonder where she parked?

"Party Room"


Wait..........what?
How the hell did she get from Party Room to Kool Runnings without her car? Its like three miles...........I'm thinking La Diablesse; I started sneaking glances under the table looking for the cow leg. At this point I didn't even care for an explanation. I just needed her gone. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't just leave her alone; she's bad news but I'm not an asshole. Home-girl was clearly in no condition to drive herself anywhere. I voiced my concerns and in response I got: "well you'll just have to be a nice boy and follow me home then."

My head is thinking: Soucouyant......run!!
My "other head" is thinking: "Hmm......What did I do with those condoms?"

Now we're on the 285 and my girl is booking it. Ninety-five mph and up, left indicator on......going right. Right indicator on.....going left. She tells me we're going to Duluth but we bypass I-85. Soon she's coming off on Peachtree Industrial but darts back on 285 at the last minute. Before I can react she drifts into the adjacent lane (it was occupied) and right before impact, jerks the car back and almost hits the person on the other side.....now she's fish tailing. O.O

I get her to come off on Ashford Dunwoody into a gas station. Conveniently her gas tank is empty so I'm like "stay here, gimme the money let me go pay for your gas." Oh, that's interesting, no gas money eh? What the hell was she planning to buy her food with then if I paid for it?
SUCKER
I offered her $10.........she demanded $15.
SUCKER
Before I knew it, the chick had pumped her $15 gas and drove off.
SUCKER
I got a call an hour later with a:

 "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it......and oh by the way, I got another number, this isn't my phone, please don't call on this line, I'll text you the new number......kay bai."

I never heard from her again.

One Hell of A Weekend

There ought to a be a law against having this much fun; I hadn't been this active since Morehouse ('02 - '05). I suppose being single is a plus because it wasn't going to go down like this previously. I'm talking Friday night "1996" (Sean Paul performed live by the way), Saturday afternoon, Piedmont Park, Saturday evening, Tassa. Later Saturday night was the usual Thrive, followed by by a quick run out to 426 and Party Room down in Stone Mountain. Not to be outdone, I still managed to make it to Kool Runnings even after Party Room.

But there's no point in bragging about my social life, that would be boring. I'd rather talk about the other crap, the shit that happens behind the scenes, the silly things that make for fun stories. I often wonder why I end up being the focal point for nonsense, or why I seem destined to be a walking punchline, here for peoples' enjoyment. But either way, shit happens often, so here it is for your reading pleasure.

Brace Festival
I normally mind my own business in a fete, I try not to wine on any buttom I don't know. Though I might buy a drink or two for a pretty face, I basically keep it simple: wine, wine, jump, drink, wine, drink, jump, go home. Last Friday, with a few drinks in the ole keg, I figured hey, let me wine on something different. With my confidence level high from all the working out, I figured there'd be no harm to tiefin a wine. Still ever cautious, I reached for low hanging fruit (or so I thought), a mampi.

Honestly I didn't think a big girl could move that fast. I was barely on the buttom before she'd side stepped deftly and disappeared. Wow.......the thick thing had talent; crowd navigation is not one of my strong suits but somehow home-girl pulled it off. And here I was thinking I was doing her a favour. With that ability, I bet getting to the bar is no trouble for her; takes me thirty minutes just to figure out which direction to move in the first place..

Buying drinks is tricky as by the time you get back, either half of it splash on your shoe, or all the ice done melt. Worse yet, don't let me have to traverse a crowd with a hot pee. Though in hindsight, I think I understand how this works now. The larger the mass moving through a pliable medium, the lesser the effort required to travel. In other words, you're a crowd of people, I'm a bus (the mampi) moving in your direction, you'd move Right? No such luck for the guy on a bike.

Driveby Witnesses
After the party I headed to Lithonia to deliver a package to a friend.........because 5 am is totally appropriate for package drops (obviously because they were wide awake). Feeling a little peckish, I stopped at a QT for some doughnuts and coffee. Those of you living at home, QuikTrip or QT for short, is like a US equivalent to the doubles man. Same theory, you leave a fete tight like a wet pantie, you swing by the doubles man first. No doubles men here so it's down to Waffle House, IHOP and of course QT.

So as I'm pulling up to park, I notice a dark-coloured Honda Accord parked in the adjacent spot. A quick glance at the occupants reveals 5 adults, mid-fifties, early sixties dressed formally, suits for the men, dresses and hats, etc for the women. Odd......but whatever.

A cup of coffee and two donuts later, I'm walking back to the car and surprise surprise, the Accord's front passenger window rolls down. "Sir I want to tell you about our lord and saviour.....can I leave you with some reading materials?"

Allyuh not serious.................Jehovahs Witnesses?! Nah!!

Five o'clock in the bloody morning, Witnesses out erm......witnessing. I didn't have much chance for escape either, how could I? They were parked directly in front of the door, next to the Maxima. And, forgive me, but is it too much to ask that you exit the car before hassling me? It somehow feels like cheating when when I don't have to work too hard to dodge yet another Awake magazine.

This same group of JehWits swung by the house later but I was relieved to find that hiding behind the couch is still an effective countermeasure. They, as a result, seemed to be convinced that no one was home even though there were four cars parked on the driveway.

Go figure.

D.T.J