The Nature of Attraction - The Weirdo

There must be something wrong with me. Mother nature designed us in such a way that man attracts woman, woman attracts man.....generally speaking. The nature of that attraction is unknown but is widely accepted that you're going to attract or be attracted to individuals with certain qualities.

For men it varies but we've narrowed it down to a few key features namely: buttom, tut tuts (lol), dimples, buttom, nice personality, cooks, fucks (often)......among other things. Women.........well let's be honest, who knows what women really want, I doubt even women know but let's humour ourselves shall we? Nice body, built, but not too muscular, decent job, nice car, clean cut yet rugged, sensitive, yet authoritative, well-mannered yet daring......oh Jesus Christ. *slaps face

Lawd fadda........women.

But alas, this is not a women bashing post, so where were we? Oh right, the nature of attraction. So the point goes, you essentially attract qualities akin to those that you yourself reflect. So if you're a health jumbie for instance, you're probably going to attract the same, if you're an upstanding, well to do individual, you're probably going to attract a well to do, upstanding individual. Foreigners, guess what, you're probably going to pull another foreigner, jamaican with a trini, bajan with a guyanese, etc.......except my trini posse here in Atlanta, any more closely knit and we'd be bordering on incest.

It should go without saying, that, if you're a slut.........guess what? Alrighty then. So what's my problem? I feel like I'm a well to do, upstanding guy, sensitive, funny, body-wise I'm not top notch but not bad either, I cook, I work, I have my own place/car/etc. Apart from mostly staying broke all the time, what is so wrong with me that I keep attracting wackos? 

Case in point..........

Saturday night, dance ram......ah mean RAM. Man wining like snake oil going outta style, if a bum bum move, wine passing. Alcohol flowing like water, the DJ an all tight, soca jamming, dancehall running, people palancing all over. But near the end of the night, as I'm sitting, updating Facebook, a smallie slides in next to me. Now if you know me well enough, you'd know this is a big deal, no strange woman speaks to me unless she's asking for directions, or invariably to speak to the dude next to me. 

She sits quickly, slips over to me seductively; she's on me before I know it. I turn, we make eye contact.....she's cute. With but the tenderest of movements she's soon whispering in my ear. With the music still playing loudly, she's hard to hear, but I know what  I heard:

"Ey boy, yuh know where I could find some ecstasy to buy?"

Wait.....what?

Out of all the fellas in here, she picks me with this shit? Which of my qualities attracted this nonsense? How exactly did I pull this kunu munu? Clearly I must have missed the "Reserved for Ecstasy Dealers" sign posted on the seat behind me. Though in hindsight, with the kind of wining that was taking place prior to this encounter, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that she thought I was on something to begin with. O.o

I suppose they don't call us Winer Boy Crew for nothing.

Hmm.

D.T.J

Have pot, will bubble.

Complacency.........when it comes to cooking, we are all guilty of it. You and your spouse may collectively know maybe ten dishes, half of which either of you could prepare well enough. Why do you think so many families have taco nights once a week? Tacos are quick, tacos are simple, and tacos are astoundingly hard to fuck up. With only seven days in any given week, six really (taco night), the average family might have a rotation of four, maybe five regular dishes.........let's not even count the single people, particularly single men (Ramen anyone?)

I myself am guilty of it. I possibly know eight dishes, four I probably do regularly, none of which involve tacos. And for those of you that know me, on a lazy week it's probably ramen and cheese with corned beef Monday to Sunday. For quite some time I'd taken to existing off of fast food and come to think of it, though I've lived at the present location almost a year, I really haven't cooked much in all that time......aside from the aforementioned ramen/corned beef concoctions, scrambled eggs, etc.

I'm talking about the things that I'm known for, macaroni pie for instance, stew/curry/bake chicken, stew pigeon peas, pelau, callalloo even, I can honestly say I've made none of these at home in almost a year.I volunteered to make a beef pelau for some friends a few weeks back and I'm not afraid to say it, I was a little intimidated. I'm normally comfortable cooking for people but that's when I'm normally cooking often to begin with. But when you've been out of practice a while, things get ticklish.

Trust me, you don't want to mess up cooking for Trinidadians because no amount of alcohol will make them forget a buss beef pelau, you'll never hear the end of it. People who weren't even in the lime will be talking about it weeks later. Thankfully, I've been told my efforts paid off and the pelau met expectations. Phew.

With gas prices rising steadily, and food prices following closely behind, fast food has (again) become far too costly a lifestyle to upkeep And yes, fast food in general, is still very unhealthy.

But whatever the rhyme or reason, I've decided to make an effort to not only start cooking again, but to expand on the number of dishes that I am able to prepare. As a trinidadian, the obvious thing would be to go to town on our cherished Naparima Girls Cookbook (which I intend to) but that would be too easy. I want to try different cultures, Caribbean at first (pepperpot, escovitch fish anyone) but eventually move on to Middle Eastern, European, Asian, African, etc.

My next challenge would be baking because truth be told, with all my bubbling ability, I can't bake worth shit (for my Shawshank fans).

As usual, I'll keep you guys posted on my efforts. I might even start adding a photo or two finally (gasp).

We'll see

D.T.J

Valentines Day - It's not so bad after all.

In light of the circumstances surrounding my recent breakup, one would almost expect that I'd be bitter today, that I'd post nasty and demeaning anti-love messages. But frankly, I'm not bitter at all, quite the contrary really. Though I do miss having that one solitary person to dote over, I'm reminded of the fact that I do in fact have all of you (you know yourselves).

Valentines Day will always remind me of the fact that when things seemed at their darkest, that my friends and closest family members stepped in to say "bredren, we have yuh back." Those of you struggling with the single life "doh study it", you're probably single for a reason. Behind all the smiles, the giggles, the chocolates and the obnoxious flowers, relationships in shambles, marriages in ruin.

Doh study it

Because you're free, you actually embody a state of mind that many (no not all) married persons wish they could. But you know what many people don't think about when it comes to single people and Valentines? It's the fact that we don't have any one person in particular to spoil, and that's a good thing, because now, you spoil EVERYBODY. There's so much more to today than "that special someone," especially when you realize you've been missing all the other "special someones" you absolutely couldn't live without otherwise.

So here is my challenge to you; if you're married, in a relationship, just bulling, etc......more power to you, love the one you're with and love them hard. But if you're single, don't begrudge those that have someone in their lives, pity them. Pity them because on a day like today, when it's all about love, that they cannot share that love with all those who deserve it. Single people, reach out to all those people who love you, and love them back hard and when today is over, keep on doing it. Buy flowers for whomever you want to now because it's okay, it's actually appropriate, she's not going to kill you or have an attitude because there's no she.

Appreciate the friends and family who love you because eventually, when that next relationship hits, you'll probably forget. Human nature I suppose.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

D.T.J

What are you people?

There are unique group of people that share this planet with the rest of the human race; a group that despite varied sensibilities, exhibits a common mindset. A hive mind of sorts, though one that honours and respects its unique parts. A group that has evolved a unique set of attributes that sets them apart, like the ability to blend seamlessly, wholly and completely into other cultures, yet retain intact, the most minuscule details of their own. A group that seems immune to alcohol and can seemingly go days without sleep a few days each year.

Though rare by comparison, numbering a mere million, their presence can be felt all over the world. You see glimpses of it all the time, a flash of red in the corner of the eye, gone just as quickly. Sometimes they slip; accents slipping out mid-sentence, giving them away for a brief moment. These people have "a look" too, that despite being of different races, you can often tell by looking at them, the truth that lies more than just skin deep. It's almost like the Matrix, like the agents......they know who they are, they know each other, but you can't tell by looking at them, until they want you to know. 

Their fanaticism is infectious, their love of their own culture, inspiring, and despite varied religious backgrounds, all worship one thing........the lime. 

These people are known by one name: Trinis. A word that invokes so much more than just an island nation in the Caribbean; it is a state of mind, a common sensibility, a culinary experience, a cultural diaspora. I proudly count myself as one of these, and despite where I find myself from day to day, a TRINI I'll always be. (Oh shit, it rhyme O.o).

So how is it that I managed to find myself at a Superbowl lime of all things? Simple, as a TRINI, I like to lime.......period. I have no interest in American football whatsoever, but in nearly ten years here, I have never missed a Superbowl lime......never. After being here this long, I now understand the vagaries and complexities of the sport but do I give a fuck? No. 

I was there for the camaraderie, for the ole talk, the fun, the food, the alcohol..........I was there to lime.

Fantastic Friday Again - February 17th, 2012

It's that time of year again when all of Trinbago is abuzz with Carnival excitement. Last night I finally got in on some of the action by watching the last half of the Soca Monarch semifinals and for those that managed to catch it, most agree, it was pretty weak. After nearly 47 face palms, this again appears to be a competition between Iwer George and Machel Montano; the rest were just filler. 

Another observation that seemed to be shared by many..........maybe we should just cancel Power this year. With the sudden, meteoric rise of Groovy Soca (thanks Kes/Kerwin/Benjai), artistes have apparently forgotten how to write Power songs. Throughout the night, crowd favourites were moving the masses not with power songs, but groovy ones and for those that elected to do both, their power options were decidedly weak by comparison. Machel didn't even sing a power song last night if I remember correctly; does that mean he's doing groovy only for the final? And with Bunji not even competing this year, what's the point. 

But I digress

Despite my quibbles, I'm never one to back down from a liming opportunity so come Fantastic Friday, I will be stream partying somewhere. This unfortunately is the only option for many of us "foreign-based" who are either unable to or cannot afford to travel. Stream limes have become our way of feeling like we're there. In years past, our options were either a crap feed from Ustream or pay USD$20 for a slightly less crappy but crap nonetheless stream from the official source. 

This year, the carnival streaming Gods appear to be merciful, thus permitting paid streams for USD 99 cents promising HD quality streams (I'll believe that when I see it).  

Go to www.carnivaltv.net for this streaming option. Otherwise, monitor Facebook and Twitter #WITArmy on the night for the inevitable Ustream/Livestream link or two. For the free vibes, I recommend you pay attention to Asylum Radio www.asylumradiolive.com. 

Nothing is fool proof though so as usual, expect the typical stream failures as millions of Caribbean people around the world crush the internet for one night. At 99 cents, I also expect much more people to be jamming the paid sites as well. I really hope that after years of problems, that these folks really get their act together. By now we should have server farms rivaling the likes of Google, Apple, etc, capable of handling the expected traffic. 

With Caroni no longer in existence, I  know we can find some sugar cane land to throw down some damn servers. 

In any case, I hope you all have a safe and enjoyable carnival weekend whether it be live and in person, or vicariously over the web. 

D. T. J

Lingering Doubts - Still more

Clearly I still have an ax to grind as there are a few items I still haven't covered but once this is through, I promise, there will be no more hating on T&T, just positive vibes from here on out.


What is with all this peeing? 

Picture it, fresh off the plane, terminal walls all around me painted in pastels seemingly bland and uninviting. The a/c as though attempting to compete with the cold climate I'd just left behind, gives the airport a very cold yet welcoming feel. Then the doors open, the heat hits you, a lone mosquito finds its mark and then like a bat to the face....WHAM......it hits you:

"What the fuck is that smell?!"

I'd almost completely forgotten what piss smelled like. Thank you Trinidad and Tobago for that very vivid reminder. At first, I was confused, I couldn't figure it out, what could possibly be the source of this uniquely foul odour? I hadn't been home in something like 8 years and thus unfamiliar with what smelled unholy, like a mix of boiled pig tail,stale buljol and old goat roti.

It is very evident to me that we as a people, still have a very loose understanding of hygiene in public. Namely, it is still socially acceptable to relieve oneself when the feeling hits, whenever and wherever one so happens to be at that point in time. I am complaining but I'm clearly in no position to judge. I vividly recall using the "piss wall" back when Watercolours was in its heydey in the paddock, Queens Park Savannah. Sure there were port-a-potties but why waste time? I swear there had to be like 20 fellas at a time lined up peeing on the wall.

I'm a reformed pisser.

I am not the same person I was 15 years ago, I no longer relieve myself in public spaces (though I do indulge in some R Kelly-ing from time to time). I would like to enjoy my country without having to smell this funk. How can this even be civilized?

Though I suppose I could understand when the options include either pee on yourself or possible gang rape in a public toilet. Think seriously, can any of you even tell me where to find a public toilet in T&T? The ones I can think of are on beaches and those are not free. I think there is one on Independence Square and I believe one or two in the Savannah.......and guess what? They smell like pee too.

I think I'll go pee on the wall by Five Points Marta Station next week just to see what happens.

Anyways, I still have one or two more gripes that I won't articulate today. Look out for one or two more of these gripe fests before the month is up. Peace.


D. T. J

Fruit Frustration

You know, there are some things in this world that I just don't get: women, communism, grits, etc. Fine, so I don't know it all; I can live with that. But the one thing in this world that frustrates me to no end is fruit.

allow me to explain.......

I love fruit though sadly I don't eat nearly enough of it. As a part of my New Years Resolutions for 2012, I'd promised to adjust my diet (slightly) by incorporating more fruits and vegetables into my daily routine. At home as most Caribbean people tend to be, I was a fruit fanatic; I'd practically suck a bucket of dous dous mangoes by myself. Silk fig? Yes please and not to mention pomerac, pommecythere, guava and my absolute favourite, the sapodilla.

But here's the thing about eating tropical fruits; they come with a handy dandy, colour-coded guide to freshness. See it's simple:

Green - not ripe
Brightly coloured  - ripe/ready to eat
Dark Brown - throw that shit away and/or cuss the fruitstand man.

This method is so fool-proof that we don't even use the term  "unripe" at home. All unripe fruit are simply referred to as "green." Can't make a good mango chow without green mango now can you? I'm sure there are many of you that won't go a week without green fig and buljol or green fig with stew chicken.

Smell it.......feel it up

And if you so happened to be colour-blind, you still had your senses of smell and touch to aid you. In most cases,  rock hard fruit with little to no scent was unripe, slightly firm but fragrant meant ripe and ready to eat, and lastly soft and squishy, runny and foul smelling again meant cuss the fruitstand man. Even if you couldn't tell by touch feel or smell, such as is the case with watermelon, we trinis developed an ingenious method of quality assurance, the vendor would just cut the damn thing to give you a taste.

I bet you all remember those little triangle-shaped wedges cut into the watermelons that your parents brought home.

But temperate climate fruits are an entirely different animal altogether. Even after living in the US damn near 10 years, I still have trouble telling the difference between ripe, unripe and spoiled when it comes to most fruits. Apples, plums (the american ones obviously), peaches etc are especially difficult for me. I just don't get it; whether an apple is unripe, ripe or long past spoiled, the colour never changes and neither does the firmness to be honest with you, not to me anyway. Plums are a favourite of mine but too often I come home with a bag of plums that all taste like ass. (you ass connoisseurs out there know what I'm talking about).

The Americans in my life say that I need to take the time to feel the minute differences in firmness. The fruit should be firm but should have a little "give" but not too much "give."

Wha? 

I won't be at Kroger molesting fruit anytime soon. Ya'll can forget that shit.

I seem to have had success with gala apples though so I think I'll be buying those exclusively from now on. Next week I'll try my hand at picking melons out.........cantaloupes and honey dew melons to be specific. Honestly I can't go wrong there I'm thinking, they taste the same no matter what state they're in.

I'll let you know how that goes. Later

D.T.J