I'm not a bad guy, honestly. I've done my fair share of sin but I like to think that my good deeds outweigh the bad. So when my neighbour came to me last Wednesday with his tale of woe, naturally I said "no problem."
I knew the guy (at least I thought I did); I'd only been living in the complex a month, but throughout that month, I interacted with the character almost daily. He lived with his sister, some cousins, nephews and nieces in the apartment unit just above me. I've played with the kids, I'd even been invited over to dinner one time so I felt that they were pretty okay people.
Well as the story goes, the dude had an argument with his sister and she put him out...........no job, no money and only been in Georgia a couple months. A day later I found him wandering in the parking lot, heard his story and took him in. Many of you reading this are probably thinking......"Oh hell no".....I know you are, and frankly, I don't blame you.
I'd like to think that if I'm down on my luck, no food, no shelter, no money, and only the clothes on my back, that someone would find it in their hearts to help me. I provided the guy a warm bed, shared what little food I had available with him, even (stupidly) bought him "black and milds." As it turns out, my good deed didn't end well for me. The wonderful example of a human being stayed with me Wednesday and Thursday but disappeared mysteriously on Friday afternoon.
But he didn't leave empty handed, the little fuck managed to pick up a few souvenirs during his stay at Casa de Johnson......namely, every piece of jewelry I owned in addition to a watch or two sprinkled in for good measure.
Yup, I was robbed....the same asshole that had no food, no money, no family or friends, no place to stay, had the audacity to steal from me after I stuck my neck out for him. The real funny thing is that he's currently being held in Gwinnett County Jail on a different charge, assault. He'd beaten some youngster and got booked.
But it's fine, Gwinnett County PD is working hard and there is a slight chance that I may get all my stuff back. And don't you dare feel sorry for me (on account of my stupidity or naivety), you ought to feel sorry for the next smuck that comes around looking for help..........they'll be getting the Jehovah's Witness treatment.
see the asshole here if you're interested:
http://www.gwinnettcountysheriff.com/asp/imageone_stage2.asp?target=%202011344994
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Planning to move back? maybe.....maybe not
You know what I'm talking about, that constant, droning, nagging thought at the back of your mind. You want to move back home don't you? You're just about tired of the rat race, the taxes, the po po and if you had to face another winter you'd lose your mind wouldn't you? Right now I bet you're thinking of shoving that green card so far up Uncle Sam ass, he'd taste the plastic on his tongue ent? Yeah well I've been thinking the same thing.
I'm approaching my 9th year on US soil and every year as my anniversary (July 31st) approaches, I grow homesick. Trinidadians have grown post happy as of late so my torment is greatly amplified by Facebook streams filled with fete/party pictures, beach/river limes and debates on whether or not chicken is an appropriate choice for modifying the doubles formula. I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!!
Sorry, I really had to get that out of my system. here is my list of the Top Ten reasons to move back T&T (feel free to add in any of your own reasons in the comments):
Allow me to elaborate:
Food - yes the one thing I miss the most is some good home food. Even though we do get some of the local creature comforts here in the US, I still miss getting a hot doubles fresh in Curepe junction, cow heel soup round de savannah or a hot bake an shark from Richards. I miss eating pomerac, dous dous, starch, julie and calabash mango; I want a good five finger and some sapodilla. I am tired of using spinach to make callalloo, I just want a good fish broth, some oil down and a little pig foot souse.......is that too much to ask?
Family - It certainly does not help that 97% of my family still lives in T&T. When I left in '02, many cousins weren't even ten, now many of them are 18, 21 and older, voices broken in, getting people pregnant/getting pregnant, etc. I now have a string of second cousins that I really don't know. This is tough on a person especially when coming from a family as close knit as mine. As cousins, we did everything together, party, work, lime, through thick an thin and with all that, the separation is especially taxing.
Beach - well this one is obvious. People at home often ask "what, dey doh have no beach in de States?" Why yes there are beaches here which is cool and all as long as you cool with driving 4 hours to get there. The nearest real beach (we have several artificial ones here in Atlanta) is on Tybee Island in Savannah, GA (4 hours away). There's Charlston, South Carolina (5 hours), Panama City Beach (6 hours), Myrtle Beach (5 hours) or South Beach in Miami (10 hours). You could imagine how tough it is to plan a beach lime.
Tobago - Do I really need to say any more?
Carnival - it has been nine long, agonizing years since my last Trinidad Carnival. The Carnivals in Atlanta, DC, Houston, Miami, etc are fun distractions but there really is no substitution for the real thing. I miss Soca Monarch and Brass Festival (gone but not forgotten), Pier 1 Cooler fete, Insomnia, Glow. I miss wining my dutty mud buttom on people car J'ouvert morning and I miss storming Harts with the boys on Carnival Tuesday.
Christmas - One of the best times of year to be a trini is Christmas time. That special time of year when the black cake that's been soaking since August finally sees the light of day, when the pastelles and paime finally come out and the sweet bread with a tall glass of sorrel or ginger beer. But aside from the food, I really miss paranging in Paramin or the parang festival in Maracas in October. Few words can properly convey what a trini Christmas is like, but for those of us that experienced it, there is nothing better.
*for my first trip back home in nearly 7 years, I am still contemplating whether to go home for Christmas this year or Carnival 2012; some tough choices ahead.
Public Holidays - As a member of the slave labour force employed here in the US, I get 7 public days off per year:
New Years Day, Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labour Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Yeah, shameful isn't it?
I can't think of very many months in the year that Trinbagonians don't have at least one day off. I swear anytime I pick up the phone to call somebody back home they're at home.....again. And don't let it be football or Olympics, cricket, Ms. World/Ms. Universe or something random like that. I remember getting half days off from school to allow students to go support the West Indies playing in the Queens Park Oval or the Soca Warriors (Strike Squad back in the day) playing in the National Stadium.
Limin - Wow trinis could lime. Club Coconuts Wednesday night, Base Thursday, Brian Lara Promenade Friday night, Saturday we shooting pool down in Couva, Sunday Morning beers after church (yeah), you get the picture. You have to wonder how people find time for work, family, church, etc.....good thing we have all those public holidays.
Cost of Car repairs - okay so the catalytic converter is gone, what do you mean USD$1,500?! I know you not telling me USD$400 to replace some damn brakes. Why is it that I never had this problem at home? Oh right, everybody and dey grandmother was a mechanic plus trinis always have the Bamboo to go to for parts. foreign-used transmission? No problem....shocks and struts? small ting. But up here, mechanics charge an arm and a leg for labour sometimes $125 to $200 an hour. One time I recall it cost me $400 to put in a $40 part, that's not right.
Church - I haven't seen the inside of a church in years (aside from weddings and funerals) but this is odd considering that I averaged 2 masses per weekend (senior altar server) while at home. To be fair, Catholics aren't known for having the most spirited of masses but to be honest, some were pretty hype. And even if you weren't Catholic, you were still somehow impacted anyway whether it be Parish harvest, sports and family day, intra parish football tournaments, etc. Whether you liked it or not, church played an important part in the community and I felt like I was part of something.
I honestly tried to go to church my first few years here, but mass always felt like those big masses you see on EWTN at the Vatican: long, boring and apparently in another language. I miss my guitar, cuatro, chac chac and the african drums playing along with the choir made up of Miss Mabel and Tanty Euclelin. I miss the bake sales after church with the homemade cupcakes, bake an smoke herring or bake an buljol (yes I like to eat, see the first point).
Wrapping it up........
I wouldn't exactly say that life in the US has been hard (it has) but I will say that it never quite fully felt like home. Thanks to all the importers working hard to bring that taste of home to us, you hard work is not for naught but I no longer want a taste of home, I want home.
Bless
I'm approaching my 9th year on US soil and every year as my anniversary (July 31st) approaches, I grow homesick. Trinidadians have grown post happy as of late so my torment is greatly amplified by Facebook streams filled with fete/party pictures, beach/river limes and debates on whether or not chicken is an appropriate choice for modifying the doubles formula. I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!!
Sorry, I really had to get that out of my system. here is my list of the Top Ten reasons to move back T&T (feel free to add in any of your own reasons in the comments):
- Food
- Family
- Beach
- Tobago
- Carnival
- Christmas
- Public Holidays
- Limin
- Cost of Car repairs
- Church
Allow me to elaborate:
Food - yes the one thing I miss the most is some good home food. Even though we do get some of the local creature comforts here in the US, I still miss getting a hot doubles fresh in Curepe junction, cow heel soup round de savannah or a hot bake an shark from Richards. I miss eating pomerac, dous dous, starch, julie and calabash mango; I want a good five finger and some sapodilla. I am tired of using spinach to make callalloo, I just want a good fish broth, some oil down and a little pig foot souse.......is that too much to ask?
Family - It certainly does not help that 97% of my family still lives in T&T. When I left in '02, many cousins weren't even ten, now many of them are 18, 21 and older, voices broken in, getting people pregnant/getting pregnant, etc. I now have a string of second cousins that I really don't know. This is tough on a person especially when coming from a family as close knit as mine. As cousins, we did everything together, party, work, lime, through thick an thin and with all that, the separation is especially taxing.
Beach - well this one is obvious. People at home often ask "what, dey doh have no beach in de States?" Why yes there are beaches here which is cool and all as long as you cool with driving 4 hours to get there. The nearest real beach (we have several artificial ones here in Atlanta) is on Tybee Island in Savannah, GA (4 hours away). There's Charlston, South Carolina (5 hours), Panama City Beach (6 hours), Myrtle Beach (5 hours) or South Beach in Miami (10 hours). You could imagine how tough it is to plan a beach lime.
Tobago - Do I really need to say any more?
Carnival - it has been nine long, agonizing years since my last Trinidad Carnival. The Carnivals in Atlanta, DC, Houston, Miami, etc are fun distractions but there really is no substitution for the real thing. I miss Soca Monarch and Brass Festival (gone but not forgotten), Pier 1 Cooler fete, Insomnia, Glow. I miss wining my dutty mud buttom on people car J'ouvert morning and I miss storming Harts with the boys on Carnival Tuesday.
Christmas - One of the best times of year to be a trini is Christmas time. That special time of year when the black cake that's been soaking since August finally sees the light of day, when the pastelles and paime finally come out and the sweet bread with a tall glass of sorrel or ginger beer. But aside from the food, I really miss paranging in Paramin or the parang festival in Maracas in October. Few words can properly convey what a trini Christmas is like, but for those of us that experienced it, there is nothing better.
*for my first trip back home in nearly 7 years, I am still contemplating whether to go home for Christmas this year or Carnival 2012; some tough choices ahead.
Public Holidays - As a member of the slave labour force employed here in the US, I get 7 public days off per year:
New Years Day, Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labour Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Yeah, shameful isn't it?
I can't think of very many months in the year that Trinbagonians don't have at least one day off. I swear anytime I pick up the phone to call somebody back home they're at home.....again. And don't let it be football or Olympics, cricket, Ms. World/Ms. Universe or something random like that. I remember getting half days off from school to allow students to go support the West Indies playing in the Queens Park Oval or the Soca Warriors (Strike Squad back in the day) playing in the National Stadium.
Limin - Wow trinis could lime. Club Coconuts Wednesday night, Base Thursday, Brian Lara Promenade Friday night, Saturday we shooting pool down in Couva, Sunday Morning beers after church (yeah), you get the picture. You have to wonder how people find time for work, family, church, etc.....good thing we have all those public holidays.
Cost of Car repairs - okay so the catalytic converter is gone, what do you mean USD$1,500?! I know you not telling me USD$400 to replace some damn brakes. Why is it that I never had this problem at home? Oh right, everybody and dey grandmother was a mechanic plus trinis always have the Bamboo to go to for parts. foreign-used transmission? No problem....shocks and struts? small ting. But up here, mechanics charge an arm and a leg for labour sometimes $125 to $200 an hour. One time I recall it cost me $400 to put in a $40 part, that's not right.
Church - I haven't seen the inside of a church in years (aside from weddings and funerals) but this is odd considering that I averaged 2 masses per weekend (senior altar server) while at home. To be fair, Catholics aren't known for having the most spirited of masses but to be honest, some were pretty hype. And even if you weren't Catholic, you were still somehow impacted anyway whether it be Parish harvest, sports and family day, intra parish football tournaments, etc. Whether you liked it or not, church played an important part in the community and I felt like I was part of something.
I honestly tried to go to church my first few years here, but mass always felt like those big masses you see on EWTN at the Vatican: long, boring and apparently in another language. I miss my guitar, cuatro, chac chac and the african drums playing along with the choir made up of Miss Mabel and Tanty Euclelin. I miss the bake sales after church with the homemade cupcakes, bake an smoke herring or bake an buljol (yes I like to eat, see the first point).
Wrapping it up........
I wouldn't exactly say that life in the US has been hard (it has) but I will say that it never quite fully felt like home. Thanks to all the importers working hard to bring that taste of home to us, you hard work is not for naught but I no longer want a taste of home, I want home.
Bless
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Fantastic Friday cometh
Well here we are folks, it's the week before Carnival and sadly, for the 8th year in a row, I cannot attend. But that's not to say I'm not going to have a damn good time this weekend though. Thanks to the the world wide web, we are now able to experience all the bachannal vicariously over the internet.
Here are just a couple sites that I know you can stream live fetes from:
http://www.livestream.com/bpartofit
http://www.triniscene.com/tsv7/stream/
I personally used the livestream link last Monday night to watch the Machel Monday fete which was damn good except for the bewildering foreign pop, R&B segment with Pitbull, Aaron Fresh and Mohambu (or whatever his name is). Personally, I tend to like a lot more SOCA in my carnival streams thank you very much.
Though I didn't particularly like his contribution at the Machel show, I must applaud Aaron Fresh for repping T&T as hard as he does on the international pop circuit. Maybe we've finally found our Rihanna.
moving right along..............
SOCA MONARCH
Yes, Soca Monarch is this Friday
Yes, it will probably be ram
Yes, Machel is performing
Yes, the stream is probably going to fuck up (during Machel's perfomance no doubt)
Machel's appearance at Soca Monarch after so many years is indeed historic but it's probably not a coincidence seeing that the prize this year is two million damn dollars. The cash prize, whilst historic in its own right, seems to have led to a virtual arms race among the big name soca stars young and old.
Think about it, didn't you find it odd to see All Rounder and Denise Plummer singing again? Denise Plummer song in particular I really like. The last time she had a hit, I was probably in Form 2 ('95/'96 for all you fass people). Don't sleep on All Rounder either though, his song is pretty catchy. And speaking of history in the making, I have heard that All Rounder is now officially the oldest calypsonian ever to make an appearance at Soca Monarch............wow
Personally, I think the prize should be at least this much every single year because the quality of soca for 2011 is absolutely outstanding; I almost broke my office chair (don't ask) the first time I heard "Advantage." The quality of the music of course makes it all the more tragic that some of us just can't make it home. But no matter, I have a plan.
Ingredients:
Personally I think I'll be streaming Dimanche Gras and Carnival Monday and Tuesday as well......*cough I think *cough I feel some sick days *cough cough coming on early *cough next week. *cough
Laters
Here are just a couple sites that I know you can stream live fetes from:
http://www.livestream.com/bpartofit
http://www.triniscene.com/tsv7/stream/
I personally used the livestream link last Monday night to watch the Machel Monday fete which was damn good except for the bewildering foreign pop, R&B segment with Pitbull, Aaron Fresh and Mohambu (or whatever his name is). Personally, I tend to like a lot more SOCA in my carnival streams thank you very much.
Though I didn't particularly like his contribution at the Machel show, I must applaud Aaron Fresh for repping T&T as hard as he does on the international pop circuit. Maybe we've finally found our Rihanna.
moving right along..............
SOCA MONARCH
Yes, Soca Monarch is this Friday
Yes, it will probably be ram
Yes, Machel is performing
Yes, the stream is probably going to fuck up (during Machel's perfomance no doubt)
Machel's appearance at Soca Monarch after so many years is indeed historic but it's probably not a coincidence seeing that the prize this year is two million damn dollars. The cash prize, whilst historic in its own right, seems to have led to a virtual arms race among the big name soca stars young and old.
Think about it, didn't you find it odd to see All Rounder and Denise Plummer singing again? Denise Plummer song in particular I really like. The last time she had a hit, I was probably in Form 2 ('95/'96 for all you fass people). Don't sleep on All Rounder either though, his song is pretty catchy. And speaking of history in the making, I have heard that All Rounder is now officially the oldest calypsonian ever to make an appearance at Soca Monarch............wow
Personally, I think the prize should be at least this much every single year because the quality of soca for 2011 is absolutely outstanding; I almost broke my office chair (don't ask) the first time I heard "Advantage." The quality of the music of course makes it all the more tragic that some of us just can't make it home. But no matter, I have a plan.
Ingredients:
- Web capable tv and or blu ray player
- Broadband internet connection
- Surround Sound Stereo System
- Duck, curry, iron pot, etc
- Your poison of choice (babash, puncheon, Old Oak, Hennessey, etc)
- Tolerant neighbours
Personally I think I'll be streaming Dimanche Gras and Carnival Monday and Tuesday as well......*cough I think *cough I feel some sick days *cough cough coming on early *cough next week. *cough
Laters
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
US Carnival Guide - Part 1
Buh wha de?! June hawse?!
Ah mean, my intention was to take a mini blogging break but no posts since June 2010 is outrageous.....even for me. But alas, now that the creative juices are flowing again, it's the ideal time of year to talk about something near and dear to my heart......Carnival.
Now those of you looking for a Trinidad Carnival how-to, I invite you to stop reading right about now because that's not what this post is about. Did we forget already? Or maybe I hadn't mentioned it before but for the time being, I am stuck in the States (mind yuh damn business) and I haven't seen a trini carnival in 9 years (yuh eh hear meh or wha? Doh ask). This post is for people like me who for one reason or the other, are stuck here, can't go home (yet) but still seem to be possessed by a carnival jumbie.
Whey yuh want we tuh party den?!
It is often said that imitation is just a subtle form of flattery. At home, Carnival is often referred to as the "Greatest Show on Earth" and as such, it has spawned a great number of mini carnivals across the globe patterned after our own. Outside of the Caribbean, no region is host to a greater number of mini Carnivals than the United States (great place to get stuck eh?). All you need to know now is where you need to be, and when you need to get there.
Please bear in mind that I won't be listing all of the US carnivals, only the more popular ones that occur on or near the east coast.
Atlanta Carnival
Dates: Memorial Weekend - May 27th - May 30th 2011
www.atlantacarnival.org
No, I am not being intentionally biased by mentioning Atlanta Carnival first simply because I live here. It just so happens that Atlanta's Carnival is the first major carnival to occur in any given year. Memorial weekend, which is always the last weekend in May, plays host to not one but two separate carnivals.
Back in 2005, several disgruntled band leaders split with the main carnival band authority and formed their own separate carnival in Decatur, a smaller City that lies east of Atlanta. Despite the discord, Atlanta has managed to attract its fair share of big name performers which include regulars like Iwer George, Bunji and Fay Ann, Benjai, Denise Belfon, Destra, Burning Flames among others as well as a staggering number of "small island" bands.
Washington DC Carnival
Dates: June 25th - 27th 2011
After Atlanta in late May, the next logical destination should always be DC carnival in late June. I haven't been to DC in years but at the time, I had begun to get the feeling that this particular carnival was no longer worth my time. The fetes were shutting down by 2:00 am and if the fete didn't close at that time, their bars certainly did thus leaving you truly "tusty" whenever Machel decided to grace the stage (about 3 hours later). I'm not kidding when I say that the bars in these fetes closed down completely at 2; you couldn't even buy a bottle of water.I hear that things have improved much over the last 5 years and DC should now be back on your list of "not to be missed" US Caribbean carnivals.
You have to think of DC as more of a liming carnival; you run up there with a few of the boys (remember, take no sand to the beach), breeze through a few fetes and then show up bright and early Saturday morning for mud mas. Oh yeah....hell yeah!! DC has one of the best J'ouvert-like experiences outside of T&T. Sure you can go play pretty mas in one of the other bands but if you really want to have a good time, trust me, join the mud mas; it's not hard to find........run all the way down to the last band in the parade (dodging all the clean clothes people running the other way)
Then it's all downhill from here...............
Houston Caribfest
Dates: 4th of July weekend (aka USA Independence Day) July 1st - July 4th 2011
www.houstoncaribfest.com
Now to be honest, I've had my fair share of fun and good times at Houston Caribfest but to be honest, as a "big islander," I felt a little out of place. it's almost like a hurricane blew over the Lesser Antilles and dumped everyone in Houston, Texas. Houston has a crazy amount of "small islanders" which is cool and all but there's only so much jab jab music a brother can take. But I must give credit where credit is due, Caribfest also has a very damn good J'Ouvert and if you happen to be a wajang like me, a J'Ouvert can make a break a carnival experience.
You know what else can break a carnival experience? HEAT.......HOUSTON TEXAS IS HOT! When people are bathing with the Dasani instead of drinking it, you know you have a problem. I know what you're thinking......we're from the Caribbean, we could deal with heat. No bredren, this is not regular heat......this is the fire and brimstone that your pastors have been warning you about; this is the burning at the back of your skull when the wife vex with you!! No other island in the Caribbean is closer to the Equator that Trinidad is so trust me, when a trini says it's hot......it is damn hot.
There are quite a few more notables to mention so check me back next week.
To be continued................
Ah mean, my intention was to take a mini blogging break but no posts since June 2010 is outrageous.....even for me. But alas, now that the creative juices are flowing again, it's the ideal time of year to talk about something near and dear to my heart......Carnival.
Now those of you looking for a Trinidad Carnival how-to, I invite you to stop reading right about now because that's not what this post is about. Did we forget already? Or maybe I hadn't mentioned it before but for the time being, I am stuck in the States (mind yuh damn business) and I haven't seen a trini carnival in 9 years (yuh eh hear meh or wha? Doh ask). This post is for people like me who for one reason or the other, are stuck here, can't go home (yet) but still seem to be possessed by a carnival jumbie.
Whey yuh want we tuh party den?!
It is often said that imitation is just a subtle form of flattery. At home, Carnival is often referred to as the "Greatest Show on Earth" and as such, it has spawned a great number of mini carnivals across the globe patterned after our own. Outside of the Caribbean, no region is host to a greater number of mini Carnivals than the United States (great place to get stuck eh?). All you need to know now is where you need to be, and when you need to get there.
Please bear in mind that I won't be listing all of the US carnivals, only the more popular ones that occur on or near the east coast.
Atlanta Carnival
Dates: Memorial Weekend - May 27th - May 30th 2011
www.atlantacarnival.org
No, I am not being intentionally biased by mentioning Atlanta Carnival first simply because I live here. It just so happens that Atlanta's Carnival is the first major carnival to occur in any given year. Memorial weekend, which is always the last weekend in May, plays host to not one but two separate carnivals.
Back in 2005, several disgruntled band leaders split with the main carnival band authority and formed their own separate carnival in Decatur, a smaller City that lies east of Atlanta. Despite the discord, Atlanta has managed to attract its fair share of big name performers which include regulars like Iwer George, Bunji and Fay Ann, Benjai, Denise Belfon, Destra, Burning Flames among others as well as a staggering number of "small island" bands.
Washington DC Carnival
Dates: June 25th - 27th 2011
After Atlanta in late May, the next logical destination should always be DC carnival in late June. I haven't been to DC in years but at the time, I had begun to get the feeling that this particular carnival was no longer worth my time. The fetes were shutting down by 2:00 am and if the fete didn't close at that time, their bars certainly did thus leaving you truly "tusty" whenever Machel decided to grace the stage (about 3 hours later). I'm not kidding when I say that the bars in these fetes closed down completely at 2; you couldn't even buy a bottle of water.I hear that things have improved much over the last 5 years and DC should now be back on your list of "not to be missed" US Caribbean carnivals.
You have to think of DC as more of a liming carnival; you run up there with a few of the boys (remember, take no sand to the beach), breeze through a few fetes and then show up bright and early Saturday morning for mud mas. Oh yeah....hell yeah!! DC has one of the best J'ouvert-like experiences outside of T&T. Sure you can go play pretty mas in one of the other bands but if you really want to have a good time, trust me, join the mud mas; it's not hard to find........run all the way down to the last band in the parade (dodging all the clean clothes people running the other way)
Then it's all downhill from here...............
Houston Caribfest
Dates: 4th of July weekend (aka USA Independence Day) July 1st - July 4th 2011
www.houstoncaribfest.com
Now to be honest, I've had my fair share of fun and good times at Houston Caribfest but to be honest, as a "big islander," I felt a little out of place. it's almost like a hurricane blew over the Lesser Antilles and dumped everyone in Houston, Texas. Houston has a crazy amount of "small islanders" which is cool and all but there's only so much jab jab music a brother can take. But I must give credit where credit is due, Caribfest also has a very damn good J'Ouvert and if you happen to be a wajang like me, a J'Ouvert can make a break a carnival experience.
You know what else can break a carnival experience? HEAT.......HOUSTON TEXAS IS HOT! When people are bathing with the Dasani instead of drinking it, you know you have a problem. I know what you're thinking......we're from the Caribbean, we could deal with heat. No bredren, this is not regular heat......this is the fire and brimstone that your pastors have been warning you about; this is the burning at the back of your skull when the wife vex with you!! No other island in the Caribbean is closer to the Equator that Trinidad is so trust me, when a trini says it's hot......it is damn hot.
There are quite a few more notables to mention so check me back next week.
To be continued................
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
US Survival Guide - Pt. 4
Well it's time again folks, for another Survival Guide. It seems like the more I feel like I have covered everything, the more I find new points to talk about. This just goes to show how much different it is just living in another country; at home, callaloo bush is an afterthought but here in the US it is an "exotic foreign dish" that costs much more than it should and is way too difficult to find. But I digress.................
Public Holidays (or lack thereof)
Having had the pleasure of working in corporate Trinidad in the years prior to my exodus, one of the things that I always took for granted, was the sheer number of official public holidays trinis were able to enjoy. In addition to the unofficial holidays such as practically any time the West Indies or the Soca Warriors were playing, we the members of the Trini working class often had it good.
In fact, you only realize just how many public holidays we have at home, right about the time you first start working for an American company. I see the confused expressions on your faces, you're sitting there wondering "how could this be?" You can look at any calender and see scores of US holidays but while that may be true, not many of those special days are considered "national holidays" On a calender at home, if you see a special day listed on your calender, you can bet your mother that you're going to get the day off.
Sadly, this isn't the case in the US where in fact you might be lucky to get off 7 holidays each year. The firm I work for in fact gives us the following: New Years Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July (Independence Day), Labour Day, Thanksgiving Day (plus the day after) and Christmas Day. Compare these to your average trini public holiday list...........see the difference?
Shouter Baptist Day, Indian Arrival Day, nope and nope. Well how about Corpus Christi, Republic Day, Eid or Divali? The answer is quite simply no..............hell no; and no, we don't get time off for Carnival or Easter weekend either. On another note, USA played several matches in the 2010 World Cup before finally being eliminated but did anyone see staff being sent home early to watch the game? Pity.
Worth Ethic
Seriously, WTF? I now see why there aren't that many public holidays. It wouldn't matter if there were more days available, some people probably wouldn't take the day off anyway. Part of the problem stems from a decidedly evil concept known as "at-will employment." It simply means that with few exceptions, an employer could fire an employee pretty much "at will" for nearly any reason and with little warning at all. The State of Georgia which I so happen to reside in, just so happens to be an "at will" State.
As a result, employees at many firms work solely out of fear of losing their jobs. Long before the economy tanked, some unscrupulous employers had already been cutting perks and other non-essential workplace benefits simply because they really didn't need to provide them.
Birthday celebrations for staff? What for?
Company Christmas dinner? Are you crazy?
Gone were the days of company picnics, staff luncheons and Sports&Family Days. If you didn't like where you worked, no problem, you'd just be fired and they'd simply find someone else who bitched less. At home, I truly enjoyed going to work, I enjoyed working with people who were glad to be doing what they were doing and even though we were not paid a lot of money they did it anyway.
Management understood that high morale led to high work ethic and they exploited that fact. No employee's birthday ever passed without a minor office fete. Valentines day expect chocolates at each desk, lavish Christmas dinners, weekend trips "down the islands," company t-shirts, etc. all these things gave me the feeling that the company had a vested interest in me and in return, I gave my all. Some American companies attempt to achieve the same thing but with a slightly different approach..................
"You want cake for your birthday? Aww.....fuck cake, do some work or I fire you!!"
(aka the big stick approach)
One other important point that needs to be noted about the average American workplace is the fact that employees always need to look busy. Caribbean people seem to posses a "coolness" about us even when extremely busy or under pressure. Except for the fact that I somehow manage to get more work done than most, my employers have commented on many occasions that, to them, I never really seem to "look busy." How is this possible when I do the job of three people, a hybrid job that entails IT support for the building, marketing, real estate acquisition and any random task they could think of.
Tips for "looking busy"
Bless.
Public Holidays (or lack thereof)
Having had the pleasure of working in corporate Trinidad in the years prior to my exodus, one of the things that I always took for granted, was the sheer number of official public holidays trinis were able to enjoy. In addition to the unofficial holidays such as practically any time the West Indies or the Soca Warriors were playing, we the members of the Trini working class often had it good.
In fact, you only realize just how many public holidays we have at home, right about the time you first start working for an American company. I see the confused expressions on your faces, you're sitting there wondering "how could this be?" You can look at any calender and see scores of US holidays but while that may be true, not many of those special days are considered "national holidays" On a calender at home, if you see a special day listed on your calender, you can bet your mother that you're going to get the day off.
Sadly, this isn't the case in the US where in fact you might be lucky to get off 7 holidays each year. The firm I work for in fact gives us the following: New Years Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July (Independence Day), Labour Day, Thanksgiving Day (plus the day after) and Christmas Day. Compare these to your average trini public holiday list...........see the difference?
Shouter Baptist Day, Indian Arrival Day, nope and nope. Well how about Corpus Christi, Republic Day, Eid or Divali? The answer is quite simply no..............hell no; and no, we don't get time off for Carnival or Easter weekend either. On another note, USA played several matches in the 2010 World Cup before finally being eliminated but did anyone see staff being sent home early to watch the game? Pity.
Worth Ethic
Seriously, WTF? I now see why there aren't that many public holidays. It wouldn't matter if there were more days available, some people probably wouldn't take the day off anyway. Part of the problem stems from a decidedly evil concept known as "at-will employment." It simply means that with few exceptions, an employer could fire an employee pretty much "at will" for nearly any reason and with little warning at all. The State of Georgia which I so happen to reside in, just so happens to be an "at will" State.
As a result, employees at many firms work solely out of fear of losing their jobs. Long before the economy tanked, some unscrupulous employers had already been cutting perks and other non-essential workplace benefits simply because they really didn't need to provide them.
Birthday celebrations for staff? What for?
Company Christmas dinner? Are you crazy?
Gone were the days of company picnics, staff luncheons and Sports&Family Days. If you didn't like where you worked, no problem, you'd just be fired and they'd simply find someone else who bitched less. At home, I truly enjoyed going to work, I enjoyed working with people who were glad to be doing what they were doing and even though we were not paid a lot of money they did it anyway.
Management understood that high morale led to high work ethic and they exploited that fact. No employee's birthday ever passed without a minor office fete. Valentines day expect chocolates at each desk, lavish Christmas dinners, weekend trips "down the islands," company t-shirts, etc. all these things gave me the feeling that the company had a vested interest in me and in return, I gave my all. Some American companies attempt to achieve the same thing but with a slightly different approach..................
"You want cake for your birthday? Aww.....fuck cake, do some work or I fire you!!"
(aka the big stick approach)
One other important point that needs to be noted about the average American workplace is the fact that employees always need to look busy. Caribbean people seem to posses a "coolness" about us even when extremely busy or under pressure. Except for the fact that I somehow manage to get more work done than most, my employers have commented on many occasions that, to them, I never really seem to "look busy." How is this possible when I do the job of three people, a hybrid job that entails IT support for the building, marketing, real estate acquisition and any random task they could think of.
Tips for "looking busy"
- Walk with a "quickness" in your step at all times, don't stroll
- Never ever organize files on your desk, the junkier your desk looks, they busier you appear
- Always keep a puzzled and/or pained expression on your face, it gives the impression that you are working hard at solving a problem.
- Make repeated trips to the printer, fax machine and copier several times per hour.
Bless.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
US Survival Guide - Pt. 3
This is likely to be one of the last of the "US Survival Guides" that you'll see on this blog; I hope that the previous two posts were both informative and entertaining. For now, I'll wrap up a few final key points that should be noted either whenever planning a trip to or immigrating to the United States of America.
Needless to say, I am by no means an expert on the subject, I only speak from my own personal experiences. Always keep in mind though that human beings are by their very nature, dynamic and versatile and thus so too are their practices, customs and culture in general. It is thus quite likely that many of the feelings and sentiments expressed on these pages, will be very different given the passage of time thus rendering this guide quite useless.
On that very same note, Trinidad and Tobago's culture is one of the most dynamic cultures I know of, and it is quite likely that after having lived here in the US for 8 long years, I too may need a guide like this in order to re-integrate into the trini lifestyle when I eventually return.......................but that's another story.
Alrighty then, let's get started..............
Taxes not included
One of the mild annoyances that I encountered early on was the fact that the prices of products, goods and services, did not include any form of taxation at all; the taxes were added in as a nice, little, nasty, surprise "fuck you" only when you got to the register. Grocery shopping all of a sudden started to feel like an advanced calculus class. Not to mention the fun little fact that different states often had different rates of taxation that often also varied depending on what you bought, I often had to walk with a calculator just to figure out exactly how much I was spending.Back home, the price on the shelf, was exactly the price you paid.
To compound the problem, states like New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania (last time I checked) do not levy taxes on certain items like clothing, electronics (I think), etc but still place taxes on food and grocery items. I could imagine you'd need a PhD in economics and accounting just to read your Walmart receipt. Here's a bright idea guys, why not include the tax on the price tag? It would at least save us the "Ta daa" moments at the cash register.
Incoming calls cost you.
This one was a bit of a shocker when I first moved here, maybe I'd been spoiled by TSTT/Bmobile. Case in point, a cousin of mine moves to Pittsburgh and is pretty excited about her nice new cell. Not wanting to spend much each month and not being much of a talker, she opted for a low-cost 250 minute per month, talk plan with her friendly, neighbourhood cell phone company. Feeling rather pleased with her accomplishment, she called me up to brag.
My first thought on hearing the news? AT&T is going to rape you ( no lube). See, unbeknown to my darling cousin, in the US, minutes are deducted, not only for calls that you make, but also for calls that you receive as well. An honest mistake I suppose seeing that in Trinidad, all incoming calls are free, my cousin figured that she would have been okay as long as she didn't make calls. She promptly switched to a more appropriate 900 minute plan. Personally, I use an unlimited talk/text/data plan so I never have to worry.
But while we're on the topic, if like me, you happen to...............you know, not be from here (USA), it might be useful to know that
IVR is the devil
I'm guessing that many of you have never heard the term IVR, but it's really just short for Interactive Voice Response. I'm also pretty sure that you've never heard that phrase before either but I am pretty sure you've been affected by it. IVR refers to the "pleasant" and extremely "user-friendly," voice-prompt system that you normally encounter every time you call customer service.
Even the whole concept of a voice prompt system is a little weird to me because at home, a call to customer service normally yields one of two things: a busy tone or a real, live person. It's still like that today too because I called the RBTT Independence Square Branch help line just a few months back and a real person picked up......I was in shock.
But anyway, generally speaking, the IVR voice systems seem to work fairly well with one key but very important exception......................the damn thing does not seem to work very well with foreign accents. I don't care where you come from, whether Trinbago, Guyana, Barbados, Jamaica, Ghana, Nigeria, etc, if you have a foreign accent, I can just imagine what your IVR experiences are like.
Hello??
Hello and welcome to Friendly Company, Inc.'s automated voice menu system, please listen carefully.
Fuck, here we go
Please say your full name
James Robertson
I'm sorry, did you say Frederick Hinds?
No
Did you say Angela Lansbury?
No......lord grant me patience
I heard James Robertson
sigh
What confounds me is the fact that the system easily recognizes any one of a dozen or so different American accents with no trouble at all whether it's the southern drawl, the Texas cowboy, or the New York/Philly twang.
And speaking of accents
..............a friend of mine once asked me to identify common pick up lines that I have used in the past. In response, I told him that I never really had to use pick up lines as virtually anything I said seemed to suffice. Now before you begin to think of me as a little cocky, allow me to explain. Once in the US, a trini male's most lethal weapon is his accent; very often I never have to think of what to say other than "hi."
Case in point
Trini Male: Hi, could you tell me how to get to...........
Charming American Female: my house? I've got condoms*
Or
Trini Male: Good Afternoon ma'am.
Charming American Female: I don't know what you just said big daddy but keep talking.*
Charming American Female #2: Oooh that accent's sexy, say something, say anything.*
*results not typical
Too often have I seen people "fresh off the boat" as they say, having never left their homelands their entire lives, only to arrive in the US for the first time and lose their accents within days/weeks. It is all well and good to want to fit in because believe me, it is tough to communicate when you sound the way we do...........but it's worth it (trust me).
Your accent is your identity, it is your link to your culture, it is what sets you apart from those around you (unless you live in Brooklyn or Ft. Lauderdale, then no one gives a shit). My wife once told me that one of the first things she fell in love with, was my accent (though I beg to differ but that's another story); half the time she has no clue what I'm saying but she loves it anyway.
In Conclusion
As time goes by and modern society and technology change, I am beginning to find that many of the problems I'd encountered in the past are no longer major issues. I vividly remember having to stick two iron pots, Golden Ray, sorrel, mauby, cheese, roti skins, etc into my traveling bags each time I made a return trip from home. Nowadays, I can find just about anything I need in many local groceries including the previously tough to find Shandy. Now all I need is to be able to find cascadura and good black pudding (I said good, not the crappy ones), I'll be all set.
I know that I raised a pretty big stink in this post regarding voice prompt systems because they really really do stink for foreigners but as of late, I have to give credit to companies like Bank of America that at least give us the option to go touch tone only instead of voice. I also have noticed improvements in the voice recognition systems themselves that allow me to speak almost naturally (almost).
But anyways, I just realized that there are few more topics that I would still like to touch on so there is probably going to be a "US Survival Guide - Pt. 4" so stay tuned.
Ciao.
Needless to say, I am by no means an expert on the subject, I only speak from my own personal experiences. Always keep in mind though that human beings are by their very nature, dynamic and versatile and thus so too are their practices, customs and culture in general. It is thus quite likely that many of the feelings and sentiments expressed on these pages, will be very different given the passage of time thus rendering this guide quite useless.
On that very same note, Trinidad and Tobago's culture is one of the most dynamic cultures I know of, and it is quite likely that after having lived here in the US for 8 long years, I too may need a guide like this in order to re-integrate into the trini lifestyle when I eventually return.......................but that's another story.
Alrighty then, let's get started..............
Taxes not included
One of the mild annoyances that I encountered early on was the fact that the prices of products, goods and services, did not include any form of taxation at all; the taxes were added in as a nice, little, nasty, surprise "fuck you" only when you got to the register. Grocery shopping all of a sudden started to feel like an advanced calculus class. Not to mention the fun little fact that different states often had different rates of taxation that often also varied depending on what you bought, I often had to walk with a calculator just to figure out exactly how much I was spending.Back home, the price on the shelf, was exactly the price you paid.
To compound the problem, states like New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania (last time I checked) do not levy taxes on certain items like clothing, electronics (I think), etc but still place taxes on food and grocery items. I could imagine you'd need a PhD in economics and accounting just to read your Walmart receipt. Here's a bright idea guys, why not include the tax on the price tag? It would at least save us the "Ta daa" moments at the cash register.
Incoming calls cost you.
This one was a bit of a shocker when I first moved here, maybe I'd been spoiled by TSTT/Bmobile. Case in point, a cousin of mine moves to Pittsburgh and is pretty excited about her nice new cell. Not wanting to spend much each month and not being much of a talker, she opted for a low-cost 250 minute per month, talk plan with her friendly, neighbourhood cell phone company. Feeling rather pleased with her accomplishment, she called me up to brag.
My first thought on hearing the news? AT&T is going to rape you ( no lube). See, unbeknown to my darling cousin, in the US, minutes are deducted, not only for calls that you make, but also for calls that you receive as well. An honest mistake I suppose seeing that in Trinidad, all incoming calls are free, my cousin figured that she would have been okay as long as she didn't make calls. She promptly switched to a more appropriate 900 minute plan. Personally, I use an unlimited talk/text/data plan so I never have to worry.
But while we're on the topic, if like me, you happen to...............you know, not be from here (USA), it might be useful to know that
IVR is the devil
I'm guessing that many of you have never heard the term IVR, but it's really just short for Interactive Voice Response. I'm also pretty sure that you've never heard that phrase before either but I am pretty sure you've been affected by it. IVR refers to the "pleasant" and extremely "user-friendly," voice-prompt system that you normally encounter every time you call customer service.
Even the whole concept of a voice prompt system is a little weird to me because at home, a call to customer service normally yields one of two things: a busy tone or a real, live person. It's still like that today too because I called the RBTT Independence Square Branch help line just a few months back and a real person picked up......I was in shock.
But anyway, generally speaking, the IVR voice systems seem to work fairly well with one key but very important exception......................the damn thing does not seem to work very well with foreign accents. I don't care where you come from, whether Trinbago, Guyana, Barbados, Jamaica, Ghana, Nigeria, etc, if you have a foreign accent, I can just imagine what your IVR experiences are like.
Hello??
Hello and welcome to Friendly Company, Inc.'s automated voice menu system, please listen carefully.
Fuck, here we go
Please say your full name
James Robertson
I'm sorry, did you say Frederick Hinds?
No
Did you say Angela Lansbury?
No......lord grant me patience
I heard James Robertson
sigh
What confounds me is the fact that the system easily recognizes any one of a dozen or so different American accents with no trouble at all whether it's the southern drawl, the Texas cowboy, or the New York/Philly twang.
And speaking of accents
..............a friend of mine once asked me to identify common pick up lines that I have used in the past. In response, I told him that I never really had to use pick up lines as virtually anything I said seemed to suffice. Now before you begin to think of me as a little cocky, allow me to explain. Once in the US, a trini male's most lethal weapon is his accent; very often I never have to think of what to say other than "hi."
Case in point
Trini Male: Hi, could you tell me how to get to...........
Charming American Female: my house? I've got condoms*
Or
Trini Male: Good Afternoon ma'am.
Charming American Female: I don't know what you just said big daddy but keep talking.*
Charming American Female #2: Oooh that accent's sexy, say something, say anything.*
*results not typical
Too often have I seen people "fresh off the boat" as they say, having never left their homelands their entire lives, only to arrive in the US for the first time and lose their accents within days/weeks. It is all well and good to want to fit in because believe me, it is tough to communicate when you sound the way we do...........but it's worth it (trust me).
Your accent is your identity, it is your link to your culture, it is what sets you apart from those around you (unless you live in Brooklyn or Ft. Lauderdale, then no one gives a shit). My wife once told me that one of the first things she fell in love with, was my accent (though I beg to differ but that's another story); half the time she has no clue what I'm saying but she loves it anyway.
In Conclusion
As time goes by and modern society and technology change, I am beginning to find that many of the problems I'd encountered in the past are no longer major issues. I vividly remember having to stick two iron pots, Golden Ray, sorrel, mauby, cheese, roti skins, etc into my traveling bags each time I made a return trip from home. Nowadays, I can find just about anything I need in many local groceries including the previously tough to find Shandy. Now all I need is to be able to find cascadura and good black pudding (I said good, not the crappy ones), I'll be all set.
I know that I raised a pretty big stink in this post regarding voice prompt systems because they really really do stink for foreigners but as of late, I have to give credit to companies like Bank of America that at least give us the option to go touch tone only instead of voice. I also have noticed improvements in the voice recognition systems themselves that allow me to speak almost naturally (almost).
But anyways, I just realized that there are few more topics that I would still like to touch on so there is probably going to be a "US Survival Guide - Pt. 4" so stay tuned.
Ciao.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
US Survival Guide - Pt. 2
Well now that we've covered the basics, I would like to touch on another important issue that you the intrepid traveler would likely encounter when making a move to the US of A.
Language...........
Though you wouldn't think it (especially if you're coming from an English speaking country), the language barrier in the US is one of those especially difficult hurdles to overcome and I'm not even talking accents either. You see it on TV all the time..............tourist, lost in some Middle Eastern country somewhere, stumbles into a local store only to ask:
"Does anyone in here speak American?"
Then the cheeky little person inside you cries out - "American isn't a language dumbass!!"
Oh yes the hell it is.
I'm not entirely sure when or why it happened but at some point in time the written language of the Americans changed drastically. While it might sound the same (aside from the accent), the differences between "American" and what we know as English, become very evident when you put pen to paper.
F*ck U
Now I am no historian so don't quote me on this but I've been told that sometime around the American Revolutionary War or the War of 1812 against Great Britain, that American colonists, so incensed by England's attempts to rule them, decided to drop the letter "u" from many of their words supposedly as an ultimate f*ck you to the Crown. This simple act supposedly led to the creation of an all new written form of the English language.........American.
Dubious though the origins of this story might be, it's the best that I could come up with at the moment but seriously though, this isn't a history blog and you certainly don't come here for my historical acumen (or lack thereof). Regardless of the origin, the fact of the matter is, Americans seem to hate the letter "u." Here are just a few examples of blatant "u" persecution.
English American
English American
Caribbean students often have a hard time at freshman level English courses at American Universities because of this problem. I've seen many a term paper receive a poor grade for spelling "errors" that were not the fault of the student.
And just in case different spellings weren't enough to mess your whole day up, let's explore some words that have completely different meanings.
TRINI American
At this point, I've been in the US for a total of seven and a half years and I still don't quite have them all figured out. Things get even hairier depending on what region you move to. People in the South (Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc) seem to have a language that's much different from Northerners. Then you have to consider the linguistic differences between East Cost and West Coast and then...............lord this is giving me a headache.
The bottom line is, the English language as a whole is a very difficult language to master even for those of us who speak it but if you plan on moving to the US though, forget everything you know about the English language it's time to learn AMERICAN...............
Check in with me next month for Part III of my guide.
Language...........
Though you wouldn't think it (especially if you're coming from an English speaking country), the language barrier in the US is one of those especially difficult hurdles to overcome and I'm not even talking accents either. You see it on TV all the time..............tourist, lost in some Middle Eastern country somewhere, stumbles into a local store only to ask:
"Does anyone in here speak American?"
Then the cheeky little person inside you cries out - "American isn't a language dumbass!!"
Oh yes the hell it is.
I'm not entirely sure when or why it happened but at some point in time the written language of the Americans changed drastically. While it might sound the same (aside from the accent), the differences between "American" and what we know as English, become very evident when you put pen to paper.
F*ck U
Now I am no historian so don't quote me on this but I've been told that sometime around the American Revolutionary War or the War of 1812 against Great Britain, that American colonists, so incensed by England's attempts to rule them, decided to drop the letter "u" from many of their words supposedly as an ultimate f*ck you to the Crown. This simple act supposedly led to the creation of an all new written form of the English language.........American.
Dubious though the origins of this story might be, it's the best that I could come up with at the moment but seriously though, this isn't a history blog and you certainly don't come here for my historical acumen (or lack thereof). Regardless of the origin, the fact of the matter is, Americans seem to hate the letter "u." Here are just a few examples of blatant "u" persecution.
English American
- labour labor
- colour color
- parlour parlor
- behaviour behavior
- neighbour neighbor
- flavour flavor
- favourite favorite
English American
- tyre tire
- cheque check
- centre center
Caribbean students often have a hard time at freshman level English courses at American Universities because of this problem. I've seen many a term paper receive a poor grade for spelling "errors" that were not the fault of the student.
And just in case different spellings weren't enough to mess your whole day up, let's explore some words that have completely different meanings.
TRINI American
- parlour corner store
- rum shop package store
- pavement= sidewalk pavement = roadway/street
- truck semi/tractor trailer
- van/pickup truck
- breadvan maxi minivan
- roti skin, doubles bara some sort of bread..............
At this point, I've been in the US for a total of seven and a half years and I still don't quite have them all figured out. Things get even hairier depending on what region you move to. People in the South (Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc) seem to have a language that's much different from Northerners. Then you have to consider the linguistic differences between East Cost and West Coast and then...............lord this is giving me a headache.
The bottom line is, the English language as a whole is a very difficult language to master even for those of us who speak it but if you plan on moving to the US though, forget everything you know about the English language it's time to learn AMERICAN...............
Check in with me next month for Part III of my guide.
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